Book Review #60: Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (2008)

As alluded to in My Horizontal Life, Chelsea Handler is a world-class liar. And we start off from the ground up in Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea in which she goes into great detail of her lying finesse. Only a brilliant mind, a girl still in elementary school, can come up with staring with Goldie Hawn in the sequel to Private Benjamin and pepper it with small details that actually sells the lie in a convincing way. Hell, even I started to believe it.

But what's funny is that even after being caught in the lie and being ordered by her parents to tell the other kids the truth about her Hollywood dreams, she comes up with an even better lie: staring in the newest Madonna video. I love the letter she wrote to Goldie, in hopes that Mrs. Hawn would aide her in keeping the lie going. 

The rest of the book is more of the same, my favorite stories being: her DUI arrest and stint in jail, her time back with her family in which her father tries to get her to start a clothing line with thongs as the only item to be sold and the re-gift Birthday party where she is invited to attend a party that no one wants to go to and more to the point, doesn't want to go out of their way to buy a present for someone they don't even know or like. Her street brawl with 3 fourteen year old girls was both shocking and funny as hell. 

I don't know if Chelsea really has a fetish for little people or not. But I have to wonder if her story about Kimmy and the way she describes certain attributes of small people and their form is legit. I mean, she really goes into great detail to say some pretty outlandish things about her and small people in general. My guess is that she is exaggerating to the nth degree to create controversy. Maybe to sell more copies of the book? I dunno. Whatever the case may be, the chapter about Kimmy was pretty damn funny. This is a very entertaining book, but it's not perfect. There were a couple of chapters that felt kind of light weight compared to the rest of the book and it would have been better to drop those chapters all together.

This is definitely a Buy. I do believe you should read the book first before the show comes out.

Book Review #59: My Horizontal Life

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (2005)

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. Based on the title of the book, you would think it was a very salacious read. It's a little misleading. We are led to believe that it's about all of Chelsea Handler's one night stands: Doing the "deed". But the fact is, it's more about her wanting to get laid, going out looking for a man and heading back to his or her place with the intention of getting laid. But it usually ends in some crazy, far out scenario that usually has her cock blocking herself either by her own means or the dude she is with is just weird, crazy and everything in between. You could basically say this book is Penthouse Pet Letters gone horribly wrong.

This is all great stuff and makes for an extremely entertaining read. She paints a picture rather well, which is a testament to her writing skills. The stories are so out there, that at times I have to question it's legitimacy. Whether they are real or not, it doesn't matter. It's extremely funny. After reading this book, it's clear that she is definitely "one of the guys".

Chelsea is a master liar and can tell whoppers at the drop of a hat to snare her man or just embarrass who she is with. The best incident was when she and her friend Nathan went to his high school reunion where she played his girlfriend/wife so that people wouldn't know he was gay and she would be able to find herself a lay there, if not a relationship with someone at the party. But it was the escalating lies they were telling, trying to one up each other that had me howling.

Rating: 4 1/2 Stars out of 5