Book Review #60: Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea (2008)

As alluded to in My Horizontal Life, Chelsea Handler is a world-class liar. And we start off from the ground up in Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea in which she goes into great detail of her lying finesse. Only a brilliant mind, a girl still in elementary school, can come up with staring with Goldie Hawn in the sequel to Private Benjamin and pepper it with small details that actually sells the lie in a convincing way. Hell, even I started to believe it.

But what's funny is that even after being caught in the lie and being ordered by her parents to tell the other kids the truth about her Hollywood dreams, she comes up with an even better lie: staring in the newest Madonna video. I love the letter she wrote to Goldie, in hopes that Mrs. Hawn would aide her in keeping the lie going. 

The rest of the book is more of the same, my favorite stories being: her DUI arrest and stint in jail, her time back with her family in which her father tries to get her to start a clothing line with thongs as the only item to be sold and the re-gift Birthday party where she is invited to attend a party that no one wants to go to and more to the point, doesn't want to go out of their way to buy a present for someone they don't even know or like. Her street brawl with 3 fourteen year old girls was both shocking and funny as hell. 

I don't know if Chelsea really has a fetish for little people or not. But I have to wonder if her story about Kimmy and the way she describes certain attributes of small people and their form is legit. I mean, she really goes into great detail to say some pretty outlandish things about her and small people in general. My guess is that she is exaggerating to the nth degree to create controversy. Maybe to sell more copies of the book? I dunno. Whatever the case may be, the chapter about Kimmy was pretty damn funny. This is a very entertaining book, but it's not perfect. There were a couple of chapters that felt kind of light weight compared to the rest of the book and it would have been better to drop those chapters all together.

This is definitely a Buy. I do believe you should read the book first before the show comes out.

Book Review #59: My Horizontal Life

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands (2005)

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. Based on the title of the book, you would think it was a very salacious read. It's a little misleading. We are led to believe that it's about all of Chelsea Handler's one night stands: Doing the "deed". But the fact is, it's more about her wanting to get laid, going out looking for a man and heading back to his or her place with the intention of getting laid. But it usually ends in some crazy, far out scenario that usually has her cock blocking herself either by her own means or the dude she is with is just weird, crazy and everything in between. You could basically say this book is Penthouse Pet Letters gone horribly wrong.

This is all great stuff and makes for an extremely entertaining read. She paints a picture rather well, which is a testament to her writing skills. The stories are so out there, that at times I have to question it's legitimacy. Whether they are real or not, it doesn't matter. It's extremely funny. After reading this book, it's clear that she is definitely "one of the guys".

Chelsea is a master liar and can tell whoppers at the drop of a hat to snare her man or just embarrass who she is with. The best incident was when she and her friend Nathan went to his high school reunion where she played his girlfriend/wife so that people wouldn't know he was gay and she would be able to find herself a lay there, if not a relationship with someone at the party. But it was the escalating lies they were telling, trying to one up each other that had me howling.

Rating: 4 1/2 Stars out of 5

Book Review #58: Stories I Only Tell My Friends

Stories I Only Tell My Friends (2011)

Talk about leading a charmed life. I've had my run-ins with a lot of celebs in random places over the years going all the way back to when I was still in elementary school. But hearing Rob's encounters are pretty mind blowing. He wants to be an actor and finds out that Liza Minnelli is in a hotel and all he has to do is ask the desk clerk "what room is Mrs. Minnelli staying in?" and next thing he knows he is eating chocolate candy with her. Or when he moves to Malibu and stumbles across a kid shooting his own war movie with friends, which turns out to be Chris Penn and invites him to pal around with Sean, Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez. Or when he writes a random letter to Aaron Spelling and gets invited to the studio. Or when Rob and his brother Chad are getting heckled at a Dodgers game for wearing a Yankees cap and are saved from a stranger who turns out to be a puppeteer for the Muppets and ends up meeting Jim Henson. Or how he is invited to The Tonigh Show and ends up meeting his future manager who in turn invites him to an SNL VIP party where in comes face to face with John Belushi. All of this happens before he even acts in one single movie. Sheesh!!

But if you ever want to say "blessed" when it comes to just being like Forrest Gump and running into moments that altered America by way of movies, than nothing tops Rob's Aunt inviting him and Chad down to watch them shoot special FX footage for a little movie called Star Wars. Remember, Rob isn't even an actor in Holloywood yet, and here he is with all these amazing moments. Damn man! Quit hogging it all and spread the wealth around!! Sheesh!

His introduction to Martin Sheen was pretty damn funny. Hahaha.

But the biggest shock for me reading this book are not all the celeb run-ins. It's in how well the book is written. This isn't a knock against Rob himself. It's just that I went into this book with low expectations with the hopes it would have some entertaining moments. But having just read Stories I Only Tell My Friends, I came away with a better understanding of the man and how smart he is. He never comes off as full of himself in the book like most people do when writing their memoirs. And with everything inside the book he has every right to brag.

A lot of ground is covered on the pages, with the biggest chunk dedicated to The Outsiders. If I remember correctly, 5 Chapters on nothing but said movie and I still wanted more. Everything from his humble beginnings to the debacle that was the Oscars with Snow White to his time on The West Wing is dissected. The one thing that I was curious about before reading, was if he would bring up the subject of his Sex Tape scandal that derailed his career for a short time. And just as I suspected, it only gets maybe half a page mention. That's it. And this is the only reason why I don't give the book a perfect score. There's more to the story and it will remain a mystery from here on out. It feels incomplete in a way. 

Other than that little oversight, I totally recommend this book to anyone. I know that I will reread this one again sooner, rather than later.

Rating: 4 1/2 Stars out 5

Review by Chiprocks1

Book Review #57: Batman: The Killing Joke

Batman: The Killing Joke (1995)

Batman: The Killing Joke has the definitive origin story of the one and only Joker. Everything you have read about this book is all true. From Alan Moore's writing to the amazing, and I mean AMAZING artwork of Brian Bolland, this is definitely a book to have in your personal Library. This Deluxe Edition also sees Brian recoloring every page to his specification in how he originally saw it in his minds eye. Along with the stunning artwork, Brian nails the storytelling and pacing to a T. It's just a great piece of work all around. I will refrain from revealing any spoilers to readers that have yet to actually read this. But I will say this, The Joker leaves his mark, destroying the lives of not one, but two prominent characters within Batman mythology.

The only downside to this book is that it's short. Really short. Forty-eight pages in all. That's it. But, to make it worth buying for those that have the original edition, they have added a bonus story centering around a derange fan of Batman, who fantasizes about killing Batman. Think along the lines of Mark David Chapman if you will and you will get what it's about.

Highly recommend this to any and all fans of Batman...or Joker fans.

Rating: 5 Stars out of 5

Book Review #56: Captain America: Homeland

Captain America: Homeland (2004)

Homeland

Written by Robert Morales

Pencils by Chris Bachalo

Inks by Tim Townsend

with Aaron Sowd

Al Vey

Wayne Faucher

Colors by Chris Bachalo

with Brian Reber

Letters by Randy Gentile

The Bucky Issue

Written by Robert Morales

Pencils by Chris Bachalo

Inks by Tim Townsend

Requiem (Parts 1 & 2)

 Written by Robert Morales

Art by Eddie Campbell with Stewart McKinney

Originally, I picked up this Trade Paperback when I first got into comic book coloring. Over at Deviant Art, Tim Townsend had posted a lot of pages from the Homeland run. Since I never bought the original issues, I didn't have a frame of reference when it came to coloring the pages. So, I ended up going to the local comic book shop and getting the TPB. I've had the book for maybe 5-6 years...and never read it...till now.

I'm a huge Chris Bachalo fan from his time on Steampunk, Death, X-Men, Generation X and Spider-Man. But if I'm being totally honest here, I think him and Captain America was a bad match. The book itself is a very boring read and the art just does not deliver in the sense that you're getting a Bachalo book. There is hardly any action at all, and when there is, it's lackluster to say the least.

There are additional issues to pad out the TPB: The Bucky Issue, which is also by Bachalo and is by far the best of the bunch. Fantastic art and storytelling here. Love it. Another storyline; Requiem is by Eddie Campbell with Stewart McKinney. This is just downright awful and the writing to me is pretty horrid.

Overall, I'm just disappointed in the book as a whole. The best parts of the TPB and the series were the covers done by Bachalo. These are sick.

But I can't recommend this book to anyone as it's something that I will never read again and most likely will never bother looking at again...with exception of said covers.

Rating: 2 Stars out of 5

Review by Chiprocks1

Book Review #55: Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin

Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin (2009)

I'm not really a fan of Kathy Griffin as I don't really follow her and what she is doing. I've only caught a couple of episodes from D-List. If anything, I know her more as a personality from talk shows and red carpets than I do as a stand-up comedian. So, this really wasn't a "must-read" book for me.

Having just finished it, how did it hold up? Pretty good. Much better than I thought it would be. This is the book that I was expecting Tina Fey to write in that I know Kathy a whole lot better than before and the structure of the book was pretty good as well. There is a lot of dish-worthy name dropping in Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin to go along with some eye opening stories about her Brother the pedophile as well as her struggles with eating disorder.

This was a very entertaining read from the get go and it would have gotten a full 5 Star rating from me if she had just omitted the final 2, worthless chapters. The chapter about Steve Wozniak was garbage and just overall...weird. It's all filler for the book reprinting her emails with Woz, who comes off looking pretty stupid and desperate for affection. Just....bizarre.

And the chapter about her and Paris Hilton was a bore. But other than that, I can recommend this book to everyone.

Rating: 4 Stars out of 5


Review by Chiprocks1